Posted in crime

How Was Your Criminal Experience Today?

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Surely criminals want to hone their skills, make it as less stressful an experience as is possible? Most robbers want to rob in the same manner I like to shop. In and out, with a minimum of yelling. The feedback provided would make a robbery an almost pleasurable experience, one that could be recounted fondly to children and grandchildren. After all, the money is insured, it is merely been transferred in an unorthodox manner.

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I have worked as a bank security guard. (for my sins) This was work that I initially found very unengaging and, well, soul-destroying. Things went downhill after that. My back ached, as I longed to sit; I prayed for a robbery so that I could at least stretch my legs a bit. 12 hour shifts were the norm; a superhuman effort was required to stay vigilant and alert. I am proud to say that zero robberies occurred on my watch, though white collar crimes possibly ran unabated (embezzling, cooking the books, stealing of pens and Post-it note pads).

The most ‘professional’ robberies are ones that occur with little to no fanfare. There is no indication that anything untoward is occurring. There is no brazen waving of artillery and large sacks with the word ‘swag’ written on the outside. Everything is done by implication, weapons may not even be displayed. The overarching philosophy is, ‘Look, none of us want to be here. You in your ill-fitting suit, me in my balaclava that itches something fierce. Let us just get through this so we can be reunited with our loved ones.’

Author:

I am a Sansei, with two teens, and a hamster. This blog is a repository for ideas and observations, expressed in cartoon form, by and large. A bit of a journal too. Feel free to follow me on INSTAGRAM @ WILTOONS, (the Twitter for people who like to go out) where I post a journal comic. Thanks for dropping by! The pic is of me and my boy Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits. (not really a fan but he wanted his pic with me) © Wilton Sugiyama and Wiltoons, 2009 to 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Wilton Sugiyama and Wiltoons with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. So there.

2 thoughts on “How Was Your Criminal Experience Today?

  1. My pet phrase has always been … to be funny one must be aware of the absurdity of normalcy. Thx for the kind comment Anne.

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