Posted in humor, life, society, Wilt's Blog to the World

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

We’ve all heard the saying: The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. But how about: the more dogs I meet, the more I need to carry that anti-bacterial hand lotion stuff. So often, when you met a dog, it will lick or nuzzle your hand. Or, you will stroke its fur which can sometimes be in an unwashed state. You will stroke its seemingly clean fur, and your hand will come away smelling like its been stuck up the wrong end of a skunk. Then you have to walk with your hand extended away from the trunk of your body, like you have just performed a pre-surgery scrub.

I suppose that the drift of the original saying is that people are so annoyingly unpredictable and fickle, that your own dog seems an oasis of sanity and stability. This is false, because I have met some dogs whom I wouldn’t give the time of day to. Nor would they understand, if I did, what with that 7-year old child mentality.

I say, let the saying be amended to: The more people that I meet, the more I feel about the same about my dog. It really smacks of general laziness to adhere to such a negative attitude as that the original saying conveys. People can be a handful, but have you ever extended a hand to a seemingly friendly dog? Next thing you know, you are putting globs of Polysporin over gaping wounds.

How about: The more people I meet, the more that I know. It leaves dogs completely out of the equation. Not exactly what I’d want to put on my bumper sticker, true. If it’s cleverness you want, how about: The more people that I meet, the greater the proportion of people that I know, compared with dogs. See? I have repurposed that saying nicely, and reintroduced dogs into it, in a most suitable fashion. Perhaps you have some sayings of your own that you, too, would like to, well, refurbish. Keep me posted.

Posted in humor, life, society, Wilt's Blog to the World

A funny thing happened to me

This funny thing happened to me! It was so out of the ordinary, that it cried out to be transcribed to the amusement and entertainment of all! It was the kind of thing that puts everything into perspective. Believe me, it was just so funny, and it really left me thinking.

But I forgot what happened.

Sorry about that. You would have really enjoyed it!

Posted in books, reading, society

Your Literary Public Image

Haha, author Mark Haddon intimated that the book you read in public sets the tone for what people’s perception of you will be. He likened the reading of ‘Pet Sematary’ to going out in your underwear. Here is a quick general guide on what to expect from people based on their public reading material:

Pet Sematary/Stephen King – elementary school drop out, blows leaves at the park for a living. Only recently found out what the term ‘pro-rated’ means. And mixes up ‘cahoots’ and ‘cohorts’ to humorous effect.

Man’s Search for Meaning/Viktor Frankl – studying criminology, hoping for insight into downward spiral of life. Grows a wispy beard and stands on public transit looking depressed. Sits at Starbucks at the tables with chessboards on them, hoping for a game. Reads Pet Sematary at home.

Back of Bran Flakes cereal box – busy go-getter type, has not read a novel since late 80s. Often seen reading over people’s shoulders on buses, carpools. Sleeps with pants on to save time, has three alarm clocks. Has Pet Sematary spoken word version on CD.

Instruction manual for DVD recorder – consumes each portion of his food until completion, then moves on to next. Alphabetical order. IOW carrots, peas, pork, then potatoes. Will watch Pet Sematary after downloading and setting up DVD player.

The piece of paper that indicates what each chocolate is in a box of Black Magic – avoid this person at all costs, as they are likely clinically insane. Each page of Pet Sematary is taped onto the wall of his apartment, the letter ‘h’ is cut out, placed in an envelope, and mailed to his grade four teacher, with a note reading: See? I’m over my ‘h’ phobia!